In memory of Guadalupe Loreto (July 4th, 1957-October 3rd, 2013)
And so it began........or I guess I began to plan and plan. I
turned to a friend, who I considered a brother. He had successfully done
a documentary and I wanted his input, I wanted guidance.
He told me what not to do and what to do. He told me I shouldn't
waste time. To not over film, to keep it clean and make it strong.
I asked him to do the video for me, and he said he would help. I was happy, I had my little "plan" ready to go and be executed.
The first month I got nowhere.....I called, I emailed, I couldn't reach anyone anywhere. I grew increasingly frustrated.
By May of 2013, I had been trying to get an interview for 4 months.
I was devastated how was my vision going to take off if no one was
willing to give me a chance??
I finally got a phone call, they directed me to BadSin
Entertainment. I have based my whole research on Gerardo Ortiz (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerardo_Ort%C3%ADz). And one of his songs, that changed the game, perhaps forever. I was overwhelmingly excited to try to sit down with Ortiz.
So, what did that call get me....it got me three interviews with three different people at BadSin.
But nowhere near Ortiz. It drove me bananas, what was up!!
Two of the three backed out of my research due to scheduling conflicts, and my buddy, my Hermano backed out of helping me film.
What a disaster.....I was so sad. I cried, and cried I didn't
understand why nothing was happening. I was angry at everyone. But then I
decided I was going to film it all, I didn't need anyone's help. I was a mujer who never took "NO" for an answer.
But.....what and how would I get someone to do my research interview........to try to film on my own?
August 2013. The worst month of my life. My godmother, who I loved
dearly. Gets diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor, she undergoes brain
surgery to relieve swelling in her brain. But there is nothing else
they can do. By this time I've been texting
and talking to someone involved in the genre.
He's agreed to help me, and I fly to Los Angeles on August 7th,
2013. I'm emotionally unstable, I am terrified that I will come back
empty handed, and I don't trust him.
It turns out he agrees to help me but we get nowhere and my
frustration grows. I'm tired of dead ends, and I hate the world. I come
home, defeated, mad at wasting time and grieving for my ill godmother.
I keep trying to get an interview, but shift my focus to my
passion......my activism, and start preparing for one of the most
amazing events of my life.
My godmother passed away October 3rd, 2013. I haven't completely
understood, or grieved properly, I just know she's with me every time I
am out there late at night, or traveling, she's there, I feel her, I
talk to her, I tell her how much I miss her, and
love her. I ask her to continue to hold my hand.
My Godmother (my dad's youngest sister) and my dad circa 80's
I start graduate school in the fall of 2013. Two weeks later I am
approached by other activists and I decide I will use my body in the
ultimate sacrifice to bring awareness and agency to "Operation
Streamline." (http://forms.nomoredeaths.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/nmd_fact_sheet_operation_streamline.pdf )
I focused on preparing for our action and visited my dying godmother daily to hold her hand and see her.
After she passed away I found nothing to help me cope, I was angry. And I
was suffocating from the constant chaos in my personal life. I wanted to
figure out what I needed and also find myself again...............
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