Recuerda, eres más valiente de lo que crees, más fuerte de lo que pareces y más inteligente de lo que piensas.

Purple combines the stability of the blue color and the energy of the red. Through the ages, purple has always been associated with royalty, nobility and prestige. The color purple can symbolize mystery, magic, power and luxury. Purple color meaning is often used to portray rich powerful kings, leaders, magicians and even sorcerers. Purple combined with gold can be flashy and portray wealth and extravagance. Bright purple and pink are good as feminine designs and is popular among teenage girls. Light purple together with the color yellow is commonly used in advertisements for children’s products. It gives the impression of something that is fun and easy to deal with. (http://www.color-meanings.com/purple-color-meaning-the-color-purple/)

I absolutely LOVE purple.....you might not believe it....since I tend to wear black on black on black....with the occasional black. Yet, purple is my favorite color. So one late June night I had the pleasure of meeting a wonderful group. They perform as a trio of guitars, with incredible sounds.....and happened to be dressed in beautiful, sparkling outfits in purple. 

They came on stage and instantly lit up the crowd at a local venue. They mesmerized with their fast fingers....they sang wonderfully and playing one song after the other without much discourse and delay. IT was AMAZING.

If you have never heard them play in person I tell you to go....even if you don't listen to Mexican Regional music....even if you have no clue what to expect.....you will not be disappointed. In fact, I guarantee you will want more. 

I have no idea what it means to play an instrument with passion, or what it feels like to hit notes....or to feel it inside. I have heard of people describe those feelings in this way: "to fully understand that type of passion, one would need to understand the intensity of what the instrument means....almost and parallel to making love to the instrument. Becoming one."

I had heard this, but I had never experienced that magic....that was until I saw Hijos del Barron perform live and in front of me. 

They played and it was effortless.....the guitar and each member were one. Together they filled the room with incredible music, they connected. I can't explain it better than the above description of making love to their guitars. It was beautiful, it was so breathtaking, it was hypnotizing. 

I admit, I was in a trance....a deep daze of music ecstasy. Song after song their music continued to play, and the atmosphere inside the venue continued to draw each and every one of us in. By sheer luck, the venue was intimate and small enough that each individual inside could connect with the musicians and their majestic music.

Once their show was over, I had the pleasure of meeting with them in their van. They were so courteous, so gentleman like. Their soft spoken mannerisms. Their genuine answers. 

I wished I could have had more time to have further discussions, but the interview was over as quickly as it began. 

I walked away mesmerized and with a deeper understanding of music, the incredible performers I had just had the fortune of seeing. 

I stayed up this night and watched the footage. Realizing that I could never replicate the feeling, sound and atmosphere I had experienced that night. I leave you with this photo....I was blissful and enchanted.....by three guitars and the most incredible musicians/performers I had ever experienced in my life. 

Si algo tengo bueno es que los nervios los llevo por dentro y la gente sólo ve en mí tranquilidad y seguridad.~Megan Maxwell

I had been wanting to do an interview with a singer or group that allowed me to have more than just a quick 15 minute before they hit the stage moment.

I had been calling record companies, managers and for obvious reasons and time constraints couldn't set anything up.

However, December 2014 I scored a coffee interview with Luis Billhey. I was SO nervous....but So anxious at the same time. I set up an interview at a quiet and quaint coffee shop in Downtown Phoenix. 

 A fellow comrade kindly referred me to this cafe and I was ever so grateful. It was perfect, it was quiet, calm and gave an aura of intimacy for my much wanted face to face no time constraints interview.

Mr. Billhey is a handsome young man with an infectious smile. I waited patiently, and nervously for his arrival. I got a text that he was running late, internally I was dreading a cancellation, or a no show. However, he arrived and I was able to relax a bit. He didn't fail to impress. Like most of his colleagues, he smelled delicious, was wearing an outfit that has become a staple for this genre......and had that soft spoken manner.

We talked about personal interests, he was very accommodating. Perhaps it had to do with the relaxed setting, or the atmosphere. I felt like I had known him forever, we had endless moments to reflect on many topics. Which was ever so helpful. Unfortunately, the cafe closed at 7:00 pm. But, he willingly kept the conversation going. We were able to move ourselves to the park outside the cafe and continue talking.

I was curious to know a lot of things; it happen to be that at that moment I was hungry for the knowledge of every aspect of the genre. I wanted to know so many things, yet I also was reluctant to ask. But Luis made asking so easy. Of course none of my interviews asked any personal questions pertaining to the drug cartel. I am not focused on that, and don't feel the need to know about it. So we never touched that topic, but boy did we discuss everything, I even threw in some social injustice issues his way, I was blissful!!! 

I did enjoy listening to Luis talk about his obstacles, and triumphs in getting to where he is at.

I was mesmerized by his hard work, and how much passion he has. Because of the relaxed setting I hadn't taped anything. almost 3 hours into our wonderful and carefree platica I found out the camera was stuck or wouldn't film for me. 

After a good 20 minutes of me apologizing, and googling ways to make the camera work, I had to apologize over and over for not checking my equipment. I was devastated, had I NOT vowed to never have this happen again???? How had I allowed myself to have equipment that was faulty?! 

Although I was panicked, Luis was ever the gentleman, and calmly said that he had enjoyed our conversation, and we could meet again to do the film portion. I was so thankful, I told him that I was so embarrassed to have made this trip and waste his time, but he said no worries and that was that. 

We decided to go grab a drink, and continue with our talk. Luis happens to be a good looking guy, with that infectious smile. Another quality of his was his easy going personality.

Talking to him felt like I was talking to a close friend. He loves soccer, and plays with friends weekly. He loves to sing, and does it with gusto. He is always readily accessible to his fans, and above all he never forgets to be humble. Now, don't think I didn't ask him hard questions, I did, I asked him why not go for another genre, he does occasional love songs, but he also understood that this genre was popular and profitable. 

Luis gave me so much to think about, from his personal experiences, to examples he presented to me. My head was spinning. I was taking it all in. I was seeing stars, I was mad that I wasn't writing it all down. I was enthralled in the many issues he spoke about or touched on. 

I was so lucky to have been able to interact with Luis, to have him give me so much time, to take time to teach me things I hadn't considered. 

I graciously thanked him for his time, and for allowing me to redo his interview once I had proper working equipment at a later time. 

I drove home with ideas swirling in my brain......with concepts that hadn't occurred to me till then. 

I am lucky to call him a friend, and to occasionally send a "hello", "how are you" text. 

To the next coffee date my friend.........

El fracaso es no tener el coraje de intentarlo, ni más ni menos. Lo único que se interpone entre la gente y sus sueños es el miedo al fracaso. Sin embargo, el fracaso es esencial para triunfar. El fracaso nos pone a prueba y nos permite crecer.~ Robin Sharma

When I began my research I set goals that were super unattainable. I did it because I didn't want to fail. I wanted to reach each and every performer because I just knew inside of me that they would want the platform I was giving them.

To me it made sense. I was like "of course they want to be interviewed by ME." who wouldn't want to??

Well.......many didn't want to. Or they just felt scared of me. I don't know why. Some said it was the questions, they were too intimidating. While others didn't like me using "narco" when I spoke of their corridos.

To some I said, "well, you sing them, you play them, your whole album is made up of songs that speak of narco cultura." and then they would just respond to my questions after.

I totally understood their apprehension. I knew that they didn't want to cross any boundaries.

I was lucky to have some well known acts under my belt. But, that wasn't enough.

I wanted to get the top performers. So I camped out at a venue and waited for a group I knew was going to give me substance.

It was a hot September in 2014.....and I was dying of heat. Calibre 50 wasn't set to get on stage till late. I had arrived at 3:00 pm....why I don't even remember. But I persisted.

Finally, their tour bus arrived and I rushed to it. The first man that came out of that bus was greeted by me and my notebook, I was ready.

He told me that they would do it. To wait after the concert and I would be taken care of. 

Then he took my equipment bag, and put it inside the bus, and extended a hand and lead me inside. 

I have never played sports, but I think that was the day I felt like I won the final of something. I was very nervous still.....and I kept practicing my Spanish in my head. I was glad they were performing, cause my nerves were killing me. 

Once they finished, they came up and sat down. They opened their chocolates and were curious to know what and why I was doing my research.

I disliked some of their songs, but also loved one song they had. This group wrote the most beautiful song for migrants. Their video was so real, and they understood that world. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9zLchnWQcs

But, on the other hand they wrote songs that made me MAD. Songs about degrading women, and cheating, and etc. I had specifically wrote questions just for them. 

So, we began our interview, I stayed on my usual questions, and then told them I appreciated how conscious they were. Commendable I said. They had big smiles and mouths full of UA chocolates. 

But......I said, while this song redeems you....you write and sing horrible songs. Like "Ni que estuvieras tan buena." or "Te estoy engañando con otra."

Really misogynistic, machista songs. Belittling, chastising, degrading women. 

Eden, told me calmly that they had no intention of any of that, but rather the songs could go both ways. Meaning, a woman could sing the song, and take on a female interpretation. I argued, I said no, the intent was to sing it to women. 

At the end we agreed to disagree. 

I must say that they opened my eyes to a lot of things. They spent longer answering my questions and giving me examples and more concepts to think about. 

I truly wished I could have gotten footage of their performance, but due to the event host was unable to. 

I also wish I could do my interview now, with my Spanish vocabulary fluent, and with my knowledge of the environment and culture. 

They remain a favorite group for their migrant song. I also love their new song in which they show the desire and love between two women. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzdyqcJ5WDs  

After interviewing them, I was taken serious, Calibre 50 was and is a very respected, mainstream group. 

It was worth my long day. 

I am a woman, and I am a Latina. Those are the things that make my writing distinctive. Those are the things that give my writing power. ~Sandra Cisneros

Eventually you have to face your demons......I still haven't. I have demons I don't want to think about, and I rather push them away.

Sometimes, this is for the best. No matter how much physical pain and emotional distress you have suffered. For me, facing these demons is accepting these terrible things. While I am not saying everyone should turn a blind eye....for me this is the sanest way I can heal me.

It's important for me to disclose in some form through here that while I was fighting for this research I was also fighting for more than just this research.

A part of me wanted independence; from the old me. The me who was naive, who wouldn't speak up for herself. If you have ever lived a sham, then you will understand. When you hide things, create an illusion of fake happiness.....then you can understand that these imaginary shams eventually fall and you have to confront them.....

 I was so busy running away from my demons, that I couldn't come to terms with them. Instead I kept making mistakes and running into dead ends. I recognized and knew that things weren't right. But, it was easier to close my eyes.....and shut it out.

There are so many things I would have done differently if I could go back. I would make rational choices, I would be loud, I wouldn't keep silent. Mostly, I would fight back like I do for everyone else. I wouldn't be manipulated, made to feel inferior.

At least I would try.

If you ever have time to step back and say "What happened? Where did I go wrong?" You'll find that you quickly need to face things you don't want. For me, this didn't happen immediately, I wouldn't allow myself to see or accept them.....I sort of ran off and tried to push it away, far and wide so that I couldn't feel the pain, mentally and physically.

If I rationalize what this research did, I have to thank it for saving me. It is my identity. It was the thing that saved me. It allowed me to put myself in spaces I wasn't and still am not comfortable in. It made me want something more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. However, it let me focus on it rather than on facing my demons.

Through it....I was able to grow stronger, wiser, patient. I was able to accept defeat, and success. I was able to appreciate much more.

Smile more, love more, appreciate very special, dear people in my life. I was able to find myself.....a person I didn't know could come out. I was able to let go of some demons.....and focus on the important things that matter the most.

Isn't it funny? I owe every interview, every performer, every venue, every trip my everything today. Every flight, every long drive.....every experience.

I learned about love again. What love means and what I don't want in love. I found that I posses the kind of love that can be intoxicating and beautiful. I am no longer afraid to say that I am a giver, I give myself fully....completely. I love in this way. And while I have ached for love. And have been disappointed in those who didn't understand my love. I have learned that it is NOT me who is at fault, but rather these individuals who never appreciated what I gave and how I gave it.

There is also a very special love I have, this is a love that will never stop. It is the love that I have for my two children. The two most important humans in my life. They are the most amazing, incredible gift I could ever have. I have tried in many ways, looked for words to describe the love I have for them. I can't. It's the most selfless love and there are no words to describe it.

I recognize that while I am taking you through my journey in this magical ride.....I must also be honest. It took me a whole month since the last post to gather my thoughts, accept some demons.....and decide that I want to be happy. I want to go back to this person....a fierce mujer who feels invisible, beautiful and sexy.....inside and out. I will no longer look for validation from anyone but me.

I want to look in my eyes, and see the light of happiness, I want to smile, and laugh because I can. I will no longer be apologetic for finding me. I will also not make excuses for you......I don't have to anymore. Because.........I am done.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

I think many people might be wondering how it was that I got to do these interviews, or how I was able to successfully conduct them. I was very, very lucky to have been granted access, but factors that helped me were that I was legitimately conducting a research interview, I had legitimate questions (which sometimes I was denied one or two questions; due to the artist and managements decision), and lastly I did have legal documents that proved that I wasn't coming by to just meet these performers.

At the end of the day I wasn't walking into welcoming spaces with candies and butterflies and unicorns.

Not everything went smooth all the time either, I sometimes had issues with management, record companies, the artists/groups. Schedule changes, artists/groups running late, set-ups we had organized and set-up weeks before broken at the last minute.

All of these things had a lot to do with catering to their availability and time. Sometimes I would schedule something at a specific time and get a message or phone call that they wanted to move it up or move it down. At times I found this incredibly frustrating but I was flexible, or I would lose my one opportunity.

For many months I sacrificed weekends to travel back and forth, or get to every entertainer who was coming through. Sometimes it was easy, other times I would have to wait a long time to get the interviews done.

But, I managed....I think I had so much to prove that I zombie'd my way through a year and a half of missed sleep, missed time with my babies, time away from my family. I was exhausted, but my desire to prove that I could do this, was my sole motivation.

Again, my stubborn ass ways wouldn't let me stop. There was one night I hurt my leg so badly, I still kept on. I had a huge ball/lump that formed. It lasted several months to completely go away. This became my reminder of the interview with Gerardo Mercado.....I remember I felt like I had fire in my leg......I tried to touch that area but it hurt so much I had tears in my eyes. I told myself it will go away, just get good footage and then it will be worth this pain you have.

Another thing that still hurts is my shoulder and neck. I was interviewer, camera person, etc. So carrying and lugging around a huge camera bag with me, eventually created some problems for me. To this day, I have pain, though I continue to ice and apply natural remedies to see if I can make most of the pain and pressure go away.

So I suppose while I am proud of myself, and happy I was able to get this far, I am only missing two interviews, Mr. Gerardo Ortiz and El Komander. I've been fortunate enough to interview the older groups who set the stage for the current entertainers.

I have made this my last goal for this research. Without Ortiz, I fear my work will lack the full circle. I have used his personality and his music to create my whole research, so of course I would feel devastated to not have him in it.

But, I have also come to the dreadful conclusion that this might never happen, and so I am thinking of how to manage that with the amount of information I have compiled about Mr. Ortiz and how I had wanted to format my documentary.

But.....I am still gonna try......cause like my papacito Raul tells me and has so articulately placed me in this category of women; "crazies and chingonas." Ay voy Gerry...

Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy. ~ Aristotle

There are very few men in this genre that can take your breath away......the only good looking man I have interviewed has been Martin Castillo from Gerencia360. I like to say I have this love/hate relationship for him. The first time we sat down together he made me so mad I wanted to kick him in the throat and throw him out of my moving car.....true facts.

But, the second time we sat down I was so impressed by his views, and we had a lovely dialogue about the history of corridos, narco culture, and his commitment to maintain old style with the ever evolving narco corrido genre that it made up for my first impression of our first meeting.

He has dabbled in different styles; romantic songs, even singing rancheras. But his style is narco corridos. And truth be told this is a style that truly suits him. He has presence, he is a great performer and he works his personality ever so clever.

Seeing his performance was different from others, because he is one of very few good looking performers he has more women coming up stage. However, his fan base is long term males who appreciate that he sticks to narco corridos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0XLQmpjfNA

I have appreciated Castillo's contributions to the narco corrido genre, and wonder why he hasn't amassed to Gerardo Ortiz status. He definitely deserves the mainstream status that some of the performers have who aren't well suited for this genre.

I think overall the night I spent observing Castillo is one for the books, I have not had a similar experience and perhaps I won't. The generosity of allowing me to see so much more than just the concert and a quick sit down interview shaped the way I presented the research to those who followed his participation in my research.

The evolving genre seems to evolve within the narco cultura also shifting to a glittery world of Louis Vuitton, Hermes, Gucci.....I wonder if these designers know how much money they are making off the narcos...and the singers and those followers who just love these brands. I personally dislike the elf shoes they wear, the over the top name brands, the man purses. It is just TOO MUCH!!!! I want the tight wranglers, boots and nice button down shirts with the cowboy hats.

However, Castillo continues to stick to his forte and that is refreshing in this genre. The only critique I have and I shared with him; is that I wished he would do social injustice corridos.

Something I think he should dabble in.

La vida es aquello que te va sucediendo mientras te empeñas en hacer otros planes. - John Lennon

I will admit I am a stubborn ass......I am SO annoying. I hate to hear NO, I will go above and beyond to get things done.

My mother Rosita....constantly lectures me about being a stubborn ass, "Siempre tienes que hacerlo, te empeñas y no paras hasta que lo tienes." True facts....I guess it's the determination that motivates me to push the limits of what I want.

Which is a reason why I didn't stop when I was getting nowhere, sure I cried in frustration and spent time hitting a punching bag, but mostly it is that I firmly believe that anything is possible, you just have to work hard for it.......and call and annoy people until they relentlessly say "Fine."

It's both something that makes me happy about me and irritates me.

So....these artists kept coming through steadily, and I was busy getting every interview I could.

 I drove to Phoenix to interview Noel Torres, I was excited because I felt he was one of the more mainstream, popular ones I could get.

I left Tucson with a good friend, we got to the venue, and waited. We waited for a while and then white vans arrived (Thank goodness for those white vans...) I asked someone from the band if I could do the interview and they said yes.

But, to be on the safe side I found a more official person and he helped me. He was so professional, and nice. I enjoyed the way he represented his artists, and the record company. I found out this company was Gerencia360. http://www.gerenciamusic360.com/

I was unable to take footage of Torres's concert. Unfortunately, I had issues with some young women who decided they wanted to be in the way of my attempts to take footage of him. I was angry that they kept posing for the camera, like "girl no.....seriously.....I've seen better ass and boobs." Of course I had no time to sit there and compete with immature girls who obviously felt threatened by little ol' me and my friend and my camera. I got tired of having to move around these women who kept finding themselves in my view. I am not the type to deal with that BS...so I walked up to the Gerencia guy and said, I can't deal with those girls over there, showed him how shitty it was because they were all up in there, and we agreed to set up the sit down interview with Torres in Tucson after his concert the next day.

To this day I still thoroughly enjoyed this interview, we had a very long conversation about many topics, he spoke about social injustices, and many, many more things. I also had a nice male audience that came with him. I talked to them about my penis theory. What is this penis theory you ask??? Well its not much of a theory....it is more of a disadvantage women have. I explained that normally the way men choose the women they take home is through explicitly saying they will take the one with the "big tits" or "the big ass" which of course is gross objectification and sexualization of women. Whilst women don't know what they take home, its always a surprise. So I proposed to my women friends, that women also find out what they will take home and base their decision then and there. Why can't we choose the same way I exclaimed! We should see what is in the pants and also objectify these men.

It would only be fair, Mr. Torres disagreed of course and we debated for some time, his strongest argument was "women wear fajas, push up bras, and sometimes padded panties." My reply to this was "not my fault you don't check before you go." Which was my point.....

After that interaction i was able to connect with someone from Gerencia360 and he helped me immensely by helping me set up future interviews. I am very grateful and happy for his friendship and his help. Gracias Mr. G.