“When the person you love can't see your love for them beneath the painful things you say when they reject you, remember this: Love is blind.” ― Shannon L. Alder

I continued to work hard on my interviews and also focused on the other things that were happening in my life.

I was feeling tired and burned out, the environment was taking its toll on me. Especially considering that I worked full time at the university, went to school, spent time and cared for my two babies and then did other things with the community.

I still don't understand why the groups/artists go on stage so late. by 11:00 pm I was exhausted, then waiting for 12:30 am or 1:00 am for them to hit the stage, conduct an interview after their show and then go home at 3:00-4:00 am....sleep a couple hours, and wake up when the babies woke up.....I think about it, and wonder how I didn't collapse from fatigue.

There was one guy that came through and sang very graphic songs, and although he was super nice, and sat down with me and told me a lot.....I drove home with a nauseated stomach, and with images I wished to burn from my brain. I hugged my teddy bear tightly that night.

If you wonder why I decided on doing a mini documentary instead of writing a thesis, I realized from the beginning that my interest and what I was looking for was hearing it straight from the horses mouth type of thing.

I didn't want to write something and then have someone come back and say that I distorted or mistook their responses or words. I wanted to give them through a film project the ability to say it there.

The night that I interviewed Grupo Escolta I fell asleep, comfortably nestled in my seat, I had made a pillow from a jacket, and covered myself with another warm fussy jacket. I only woke up because someone hit my door with something. I remember waking up groggy, crazy eyed, very sleepy and rushing out my vehicle.....

It was so cold, I was shivering, and my teeth were chattering. I saw the white van and walked to the passenger window.....I am sure they were wondering "who the heck is that girl....probably drunk (so groggy, cold and sleepy still) knocking on our window like a maniac??"

The guy opened the window, and trying my best to be alert and professional said my little statement, he might have felt compassion, or probably noticed how hard I was shaking from the cold. But they opened the doors and came out, and sort of huddled around me.

Because I had slept for so long they wanted to do the interview at their hotel. Which was fine with me, I was too cold and too tired.

At this point I was bringing dinner to these groups, and by dinner I mean Sonoran hot dogs. The people from the place I got them from knew I would rush over at 1:50 am before they closed to get some for whomever I was interviewing.

Escolta was a funny group to talk to, we talked a lot about reverse racism, and Xicanismo. How delicious sonoran dogs were.....Mexican perceptions, and lastly why was I interested in this.

It is too complicated to go over my interests, I will say this has been a very, very incredible journey.

"“Por mi raza hablará el espíritu” ~José Vasconcelos

With the approaching day of genocide and celebration of stolen land from Natives, I take you with me to Thankstaking day 2013.

 The climate in Arizona following passage of laws like SB1070 a direct attack on the undocumented community (as if there was a need for more stigma) the ban on ethnic studies with SB2281.....was definitely not good.

With such actions, a civil unrest began. It made the communities in Arizona live in fear, and made many people come together to fight back. However, its effects caused more than separations of families, dehumanization of peoples.....it brought great distress and trauma.

A drive to the grocery store became a sacrifice for a mother running out for milk, feared to be stopped by the police department, because the outcome would be that border patrol would be called....and the children awaiting their milk from their mother would stay waiting...while their mother was taken and criminalized by an unjust system.

The month of October of 2013 appropriately has been called the "Tucson Uprising." After months of stops between the Tucson Police Department and community......On October 8th, 2013, the police department stopped one of the workers from the Southside Worker Center. Fortunately or unfortunately the stop took place at the intersection near the church, on the night that a humanitarian group met. Down the road about a few blocks we were preparing for our action for the 11th.

We all received the text alert, finished up our preparations and got there. Arriving to the scene......I saw lots of flashing lights. I immediately thought something terrible had gone on.

There were so many cops there and many border patrol agents. I could hear screaming, and chants.....screaming from comrades, and demands from cops.......I realized that this is what a war zone must look like......there was a lot going on......but we simply stood in line with each other......and then waited for them to attack us.

By this time the border patrol had taken the people they stopped and put them inside one of their vehicles......the activists inside the church created a barrier between the vehicle and the agents. Elderly people were thrown and pushed in their haste to move their vehicle and take our friends.

At the front of our unified group.....shots rang out as the police department began firing rubber bullets, and then they began to mace our groups.......

I ran around.....having arrived late.....I found a professor and mentor on the floor.....several comrades in agony from having been directly sprayed and shot. One of our comrades had been knocked down and was disoriented.

The Border patrol took this moment to leave.....we had just experienced the dire consequences of the fucked up effects of SB1070. we cried together that night.....as we held each other......and wondered why.....

We knew this was our war....and we were done, we were angry.....we were ready to shut it down.

I got home, and grabbed my son....I held him while I cried......I cried for all those peoples who couldn't hold their loved ones that night, for those who never made it here, whose families never heard from again.........

I decided to start anew, to strip away what I had been taught ~Georgia O'Keeffe

I continued to show up to concerts and conduct my interviews. I had a nice routine going, I would show up, knock on the groups/artists vehicle window, and ask if they would participate. They always said yes. My routine was simple. Arrive and park in the back of the venue/place, find someone from their staff, ask for permission to do interview and then I would wait. Once the interview was done I filmed 3-5 songs and left.

I was still nervous about the environment but I was getting the hang of it.....somewhat.

I had managed to re-learn Spanish !!! I was surprised at how steady these musicians came through Arizona. If they didn't come to Tucson I would head to Phoenix to conduct my interviews.

The interview with El Flaco Elizalde was one of my favorite. I think it had a lot to do with how He drove himself to the venue, along with his beautiful girlfriend, and when he came out of his truck he introduced himself to me and said that he would happily do my interview.

He put on a wonderful show,  so giving to his fans. I enjoyed seeing his performance and his interactions with the public. At one point he also told the crowd how important education was, and pointed me out. I was floored by this gesture and the message of higher education! That indeed is what public figures should be sending out to their public, go out and get educated!!

I left home happy thinking about how fascinating these personalities were. I realized that this research was incredibly surprising. Every step was a new experience, and I was excited for what was to come.

And slowly.......a domino effect one would say, I was able to conduct many interviews and adapt to this new world......

"Recuerda siempre que tu propia resolución de triunfar es más importante que cualquier otra cosa" ~Abraham Lincoln

You can say that after interviewing Rosas and Torbellino I realized that if the management or the record companies didn't respond to my inquiries I would just show up.

It was little me and I was intimidated. But, I was going to get this done, and I didn't care how or what I had to do.

It was always so interesting to observe the venue and the people who came to the concerts. I know that people wondered who I was. And sometimes people would come up to me and ask me. I was never dressed up, I was always in combat boots, and sometimes I didn't even do my hair. (The horror I know) especially when I was surrounded with such incredible beauties.....but mostly I liked to go comfortable. I wasn't going to impress anyone, I was working.

Of course I couldn't be bothered by wanting to be "dressed up." I was lugging around a camera, and doing the research in uncomfortable clothing and shoes would not be beneficial to me. I sometimes wondered if I dressed up would that have changed the interview process.
But I still wondered.....and once in a while I did try to change my normal leggings and combat boots outfits.


I spent a lot of time in the back of venues, talking to local groups or groups passing by. I also spent a lot of time talking to the security personnel. I enjoyed hearing the conversations and getting the perspectives from those who worked within this genre/culture.

I often found myself inside my car, I took much needed naps, rewrote questions or observed from the comfort and security of my vehicle.

My Spanish was improving, not a lot, but I was able to have a good dialogue without standing like an idiot or a deer in headlights.

I enjoyed spending time with the local groups, that was one of my favorite things to do. It gave me a chance to feel relaxed, to have conversations without feeling rushed, and mostly I wanted to interact the most I could with these musicians/singers.

I would like to think that they also enjoyed having me around and being a pest.

One of my favorite local groups is Nuevo Komando y su Tuba. (https://www.facebook.com/nuevo.komando/)

Each time a headliner came through this group would open for them,  I often got the opportunity to talk to them before and after.

I don't really know how I was able to do my interviews, I just came from out of nowhere; walked up to anyone and gave them my little intro, "My name is Angie Loreto, I am a masters student, I am doing research on corridos, narco corridos....etc....etc."

For whatever reason, luck, compassion or perhaps they thought I wasn't some crazy fan or groupie and gave me time and access to their artists/groups.

One thing for sure no matter how popular a group was I always felt that they enjoyed my interview, and left happy from it. Because it humanized them, it took away the demonized aspects from media. And that was my personal angle.

 

"Two things scare me. The first is getting hurt. But that's not nearly as scary as the second, which is losing." Lance Armstrong

With the whole Rosas experience, and my failure to correctly record his responses for my research, I focused on the charges we were facing for our Shutdown Operation Streamline success.

Two weeks prior my comrades and I had been summoned for a court appearance; we faced the following charges;
13-2402A1: obstructing governmental operations (class 1)
13-2511A: hindering a prosecution in the 2nd degree (class 1)
13-2904A1: disorderly conduct (class 1)
13-2906A: obstructing a highway or other public thoroughfare (class 3)
13-2917A2: public nuisance (class 2)
13-1502A1: criminal trespass in the 3rd degree (class 3)

 It was a tumultuous time for our communities, the ever growing presence of "poli-migra" stops kept growing. This continued attack against the undocumented community kept us busy. 

We formed a strong force, and it was a successful form of protest against the workings of the border patrol (or how my darling little girl likes to call them "border control".....much more fitting isn't it?!) and the Tucson Police Department. 

It became the norm (unfortunately) to be alerted when one of these stops occurred. It was maddening, and tiresome. It disrupted lives, and families, and communities. Ingeniously we were always around.....we showed up in pairs, once one of us arrived others did too. It puzzled the police, and it intimidated border patrol. 

We recorded all interactions, we became fierce and we made demands. We no longer were afraid.....we chanted "They're afraid of us, because We are Not afraid. Not one drop of afraid do we have." 

Perhaps to many this is insane, well, maybe it was. But it was necessary, it came from the need to create agency and urgency to this situation. 

I found myself arriving to scenes often, always lots of cops and one or two border patrol agents.

While this was a daily struggle, I had to refocus and get a good interview.....my friend told me Tito Torbellino was performing at a local venue. I didn't know much about the performers I wanted to interview so typically I would listen to their music 1-2 days in advance and google and write some notes about them. 

This time I wasn't able to set anything up, so I decided I would just show up and ask there and then for the interview. 

February 13th, 2014 I waited outside the venue for Torbellino to arrive or someone from his management. They arrived around 12:30 am ish. I was quite intimidated and honestly I didn't know if he was going to agree to it. 

First I spoke to some guy, he took my release form and showed it to him (although I really didn't know who he was at that point) I started the interaction bad, when I told them I could translate the form from English to Spanish....to which Mr. Torbellino told me "Why you don't think I can fucking read?" Clearly I didn't make a good impression. 

Truth be told I didn't like his attitude. 

He didn't even want to come off his vehicle, and he disliked all the questions. At one point he even told me, "I thought you were going to ask me cool questions, like if I was married, had kids or what I liked to do." I felt so angry he was belittling me.

He responded to two questions......with the most dreadful attitude and most annoyed face I have ever seen.

We went in after he did to watch his performance. It was less girl crazy than the Rosas. I stayed for the whole thing. I was waiting to hand them a copy of the release form when shots rang out in the parking lot. I was aware of the environment that this genre comes with, so my friend and I rushed to my car and I drove away.

Once I got home I wasn't sure of what I wanted to do anymore, I wanted to do the research yet I didn't want to expose myself or anyone to harm......

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." ~Albert Einstein

I dont know what is more significant that I got my first interview on February 7th, 2014.....or that I fucked up my first interview because I had NO clue about the equipment I was using, the environment I would be in, and the chaos that I would experience my first time at one of these concerts.

I was lucky that one of my good friends connected me with the owner of the venue. She said, "look muxer, go talk to him, tell him I sent you and get this shit done." I was SO nervous. I called the venue several times and his cellphone, but the day before I just drove over and got off. The owner was there, he listened to me, he told me he would speak to Javier Rosas management, and that I could come back day of and conduct my interview at his venue.

I was ecstatic, nervous, scared and many other emotions were running through me. But off I went, with my questions, my gadgets and a ton of enthusiasm.

The first thing I walked into was a lot of people, I parked super far.......I found the manager and he told me Javier was on his way, and that I could conduct the interview in his van.

I took in the atmosphere and the ambiance. I will admit it was a bit too much for me. I was dressed in black leggings, combat boots, and a black long sleeve shirt. I stuck out like a sore thumb, people kept staring at me, probably wondering what the hell I was doing there. I had my hair in a loose ponytail. Looking around me the muxeres were absolutely stunning. I couldn't stop staring.....I wondered how they put on their skin tight dresses, I wanted to know how they stood around in 5-6 inch heels for so long. My girl friend met me there and we both took it all in. We were both in awe of these muxeres. We discussed their outfits, their appearance, how they acted. I wanted to know if everything was real. And mostly how they got out of those little skin tight dresses.

An hour later Mr. Rosas arrived. I was escorted outside with my friend in tow. We got to a white van, the doors opened and there he sat. Smiling and friendly.

 His band mates were with him....the first thing I noticed was the delicious scent of cologne that filled the air all around us. On a side note I enjoy a man that can smell delicious.

I introduced myself, and began my interview. I was terrible at it. I forgot words, my brain kept messing me up, I was thinking in English and trying to speak in Spanish. I spent the majority of my time fussing with my phone googling words from Engligh-Spanish.

He was so sweet, he kept smiling and telling me it was okay. I wanted to cry.

Finally, we were ushered back inside the venue. This time we walked in from the back door. To a room full of fans, so many screaming girls. I think my gf and I didn't know what to do. We lingered near the security guards and Rosas management. Finally Mr. Rosas hit the stage. It was an incredible sight to see.....the crowd was electrified, there was a lot of dancing, singing.

I took note of how strong and loud the women sang the songs. They absolutely loved it, loved him, his musicians, the whole thing.

I filmed some of his songs, and then I finished and my gf and I left.

I got home, I transferred the footage to my computer and watched it. I got to the interview part. It had no audio. The rest did.

It was 3:00 am.....I sat there in my dark room. Watching in silence....a screen of a smiling Rosas, who was answering my questions and nothing but silence filled the room.

I cried, I felt incompetent and stupid. I had messed up my first interview, my first opportunity.

I had footage of him performing, but the most important part was missing.

I ended up learning a valuable lesson that day. I vowed to always check my audio and never to let that occur again, that was if I ever got another opportunity..........